Once upon a time I wrote about my life on a blog. Or in snippets here there and everywhere scattered across social media land. I wrote about my happenings, my wonderings, my thoughts and feeling and opinions. I wrote about my fears and my failures and my faux pas. I wrote about my secrets andRead more
Your addiction is showing.
Two years ago I outed myself as obsessed with food and my body, and eventually named it as a relapse into the bulimia that had plagued me in my late teens and early twenties. My addiction to “healthy”/clean/Paleo eating was obvious to anyone who had cared to look for it from my frequent posts ofRead more
Idle Hands
The Bible say “idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” I don’t much subscribe to what can be found in the Bible these days. I haven’t for well over a decade. And yet, there’s something ringing somewhat true in that statement for me in this season of life. Idle hands. Well, they beg to be filledRead more
Miss Six
My little Lou Bear. I’ve written so little about you since your infanthood. You live the lot of the youngest child—no baby book, no professional photos, no long-winded blogs detailing your every milestone. You’ve survived your birth order (after all, you know nothing different) and somehow come to be six years old before us withRead more
To Write in the Age of Social Media.
I’ve blogged for the better part of sixteen years. Now is not the age of blogging. The age of blogging was somewhere circa 2007-2010, coincidentally right before–and as–Facebook descended upon the world. Nowadays people can’t read a post over 900 words. That is if you can even get them to click off their social crackRead more
Life After “The After”
Two years ago I spent a lot of time on the mirror taking selfie’s of my super fit body. At least that was what I thought I was doing. Looking back now I see near gauntness. I see a lack of curves where my body wants to exist. I see bones where I’d benefit fromRead more
The Privilege of Vulnerability
Life lately has been almost excruciating in it’s vulnerability. Most of that is me. Me and my tendency to say things. Some of it is my general life circumstance and merely being honest about that (addiction, rehab, relapse). I’ve come to think a lot about vulnerability and what it means to embrace it, lean intoRead more
I Present Myself.
I have often said I need to write to live. Thus, it baffles me when I go periods of time with my laptop shut down, in semi-conscious denial that my mind, heart, and soul inevitably follow. I don’t write for many reasons. Time. Energy or drive. Lack of content. Overwhelm of content. Appropriateness. Secrets. SecretsRead more
Rehab Update #3: Family Visit
This weekend my family drove five hours down to Ashland, Oregon to visit me. My daughters are six and nine right now, so this is an event (the visit, the month without their mom) they will likely remember for life. It was an immense blessing to be able to see them, to hug and holdRead more
Rehab Update #2: Spirit Animal
Yesterday I sat in a basement room covered in murals of Native American rituals, nature, and spirit animals littered through a spiraling serene sky and I spent an hour detailing each trauma of my thirty-two years and six months on this earth with four other women in their fifties and sixties. We call this theRead more
Rehab Update #1: Rehab is Not Vacation
Today is Day Six in what I’m now affectionately calling “spa-rehab”. Saturday, April 15th. In the sky, Venus stationed direct in conjunction with Chiron. Chiron is the wounded healer. Take from that what you will. What I would say about rehab is that it is surreal. The stunning facility. The hippy-dippy therapeutic approach. The ultra-organic,Read more