I have often said I need to write to live. Thus, it baffles me when I go periods of time with my laptop shut down, in semi-conscious denial that my mind, heart, and soul inevitably follow. I don’t write for many reasons. Time. Energy or drive. Lack of content. Overwhelm of content. Appropriateness. Secrets. SecretsRead more
Yesterday I sat in a basement room covered in murals of Native American rituals, nature, and spirit animals littered through a spiraling serene sky and I spent an hour detailing each trauma of my thirty-two years and six months on this earth with four other women in their fifties and sixties. We call this theRead more
Today is Day Six in what I’m now affectionately calling “spa-rehab”. Saturday, April 15th. In the sky, Venus stationed direct in conjunction with Chiron. Chiron is the wounded healer. Take from that what you will. What I would say about rehab is that it is surreal. The stunning facility. The hippy-dippy therapeutic approach. The ultra-organic,Read more
Short answer: I’m white. Medium answer: I’m white and White Supremacy is real. Also, federal job protections. Long Answer: I’m white, married to a man, middle class appearing, attractive by general societal standards, and able-bodied unless I open my mouth and tell you I’ve got a host of mental health challenges that could be consideredRead more
I’ve had an eating disorder since I was sixteen years old. If we’re counting, that’s sixteen years. I recovered when I was twenty-two; I finally stopped purging in the third trimester of my first pregnancy. I gained ninety pounds during that pregnancy. And, because I was a sickly skinny methamphetamine addict before I got soberRead more
In 2016 life delivered me to the place where I picked my first Word of the Year. Discover. I meant it as an invitation to delve into the deeper things of this life, to see and learn and know and feel. But also to be seen. To be known. To foster learning and convey feeling.Read more
It’s the first day of 2017. You know, that magical moment where we collectively release ourselves into the belief that we can make any handy or hard resolution and it will somehow stick. Magical moment people. Am I missing it if I don’t jump on board? Am I doomed for a month or a year?Read more
I was diagnosed a depressed bulimic when I was sixteen. I was diagnosed a cocaine addict when I was nineteen. I’ve lived in the intersection between my mental health challenges and my addictive tendencies for thirteen years. It’s been anything but easy. At first, the hardest part was that I so obviously used drugs andRead more
I didn’t drink in high school. I was lucky enough to have friends that didn’t really either. You might think that was a testament to the way my parents raised me, or the Sunday School classes I came up through. Maybe. I think I didn’t drink because the opportunity never presented itself. I never feltRead more
Ten weeks ago I went off my psych meds. Why? It was the question everyone asked. My husband, when I told him a week or so later. My team of therapists. My friends and family. The general public once I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore and wrote about it. It wasn’t an easy decisionRead more