Life After “The After”

Two years ago I spent a lot of time on the mirror taking selfie’s of my super fit body. At least that was what I thought I was doing. Looking back now I see near gauntness. I see a lack of curves where my body wants to exist. I see bones where I’d benefit fromRead more

I Present Myself.

I have often said I need to write to live. Thus, it baffles me when I go periods of time with my laptop shut down, in semi-conscious denial that my mind, heart, and soul inevitably follow. I don’t write for many reasons. Time. Energy or drive. Lack of content. Overwhelm of content. Appropriateness. Secrets. SecretsRead more

Is Body Acceptance Still For Me?

I’ve had an eating disorder since I was sixteen years old. If we’re counting, that’s sixteen years. I recovered when I was twenty-two; I finally stopped purging in the third trimester of my first pregnancy. I gained ninety pounds during that pregnancy. And, because I was a sickly skinny methamphetamine addict before I got soberRead more

Am I supposed to get sober today?

It’s the first day of 2017. You know, that magical moment where we collectively release ourselves into the belief that we can make any handy or hard resolution and it will somehow stick. Magical moment people. Am I missing it if I don’t jump on board? Am I doomed for a month or a year?Read more

Why I stopped taking my bipolar medication.

Ten weeks ago I went off my psych meds. Why? It was the question everyone asked. My husband, when I told him a week or so later. My team of therapists. My friends and family. The general public once I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore and wrote about it. It wasn’t an easy decisionRead more

To my child, when I’ve pulled away from you.

You’re in fourth grade now. You’re more than half arms and gangly legs. You are remarkably independent and take-your-breath-away self-sufficient. It’s silly that your dad and I would expect anything else, knowing us. You’ve gotten yourself out the door and walked to school alone since you were six. You mother your little sister more thanRead more

The Whole Picture.

Basically the goal of me writing this post it to get you to read this blog post. Please read it. It’s that necessary. It’s stuck with me for weeks now. Dear Laura, Do you ever/did you ever look at friends’ Facebook posts, or hear good news about their lives, and be filled with a combinationRead more