Your addiction is showing.

Two years ago I outed myself as obsessed with food and my body, and eventually named it as a relapse into the bulimia that had plagued me in my late teens and early twenties. My addiction to “healthy”/clean/Paleo eating was obvious to anyone who had cared to look for it from my frequent posts ofRead more

Life After “The After”

Two years ago I spent a lot of time on the mirror taking selfie’s of my super fit body. At least that was what I thought I was doing. Looking back now I see near gauntness. I see a lack of curves where my body wants to exist. I see bones where I’d benefit fromRead more

The Privilege of Vulnerability

Life lately has been almost excruciating in it’s vulnerability. Most of that is me. Me and my tendency to say things. Some of it is my general life circumstance and merely being honest about that (addiction, rehab, relapse). I’ve come to think a lot about vulnerability and what it means to embrace it, lean intoRead more

I Present Myself.

I have often said I need to write to live. Thus, it baffles me when I go periods of time with my laptop shut down, in semi-conscious denial that my mind, heart, and soul inevitably follow. I don’t write for many reasons. Time. Energy or drive. Lack of content. Overwhelm of content. Appropriateness. Secrets. SecretsRead more

Why I can tell my boss I have a drinking problem and am going to rehab.

Short answer: I’m white. Medium answer: I’m white and White Supremacy is real. Also, federal job protections. Long Answer: I’m white, married to a man, middle class appearing, attractive by general societal standards, and able-bodied unless I open my mouth and tell you I’ve got a host of mental health challenges that could be consideredRead more

To the Mom Scrolling Through Facebook on her Yoga Mat.

I should tell you to set down your phone. I should tell you to STOP (in capital letters) and be in the present for a second. But I won’t. You’ve heard that before. Instead: I get it. In fact, I’m there right now. Sitting cross-legged on my yoga mat, writing this on my iPhone. IRead more

Struggling at the Intersection Between Mental Health and Addiction

I was diagnosed a depressed bulimic when I was sixteen. I was diagnosed a cocaine addict when I was nineteen. I’ve lived in the intersection between my mental health challenges and my addictive tendencies for thirteen years. It’s been anything but easy. At first, the hardest part was that I so obviously used drugs andRead more

On Drinking and Belonging.

I didn’t drink in high school. I was lucky enough to have friends that didn’t really either. You might think that was a testament to the way my parents raised me, or the Sunday School classes I came up through. Maybe. I think I didn’t drink because the opportunity never presented itself. I never feltRead more

Why I stopped taking my bipolar medication.

Ten weeks ago I went off my psych meds. Why? It was the question everyone asked. My husband, when I told him a week or so later. My team of therapists. My friends and family. The general public once I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore and wrote about it. It wasn’t an easy decisionRead more