Your addiction is showing.

Two years ago I outed myself as obsessed with food and my body, and eventually named it as a relapse into the bulimia that had plagued me in my late teens and early twenties. My addiction to “healthy”/clean/Paleo eating was obvious to anyone who had cared to look for it from my frequent posts ofRead more

Life After “The After”

Two years ago I spent a lot of time on the mirror taking selfie’s of my super fit body. At least that was what I thought I was doing. Looking back now I see near gauntness. I see a lack of curves where my body wants to exist. I see bones where I’d benefit fromRead more

I Present Myself.

I have often said I need to write to live. Thus, it baffles me when I go periods of time with my laptop shut down, in semi-conscious denial that my mind, heart, and soul inevitably follow. I don’t write for many reasons. Time. Energy or drive. Lack of content. Overwhelm of content. Appropriateness. Secrets. SecretsRead more

Rehab Update #2: Spirit Animal

Yesterday I sat in a basement room covered in murals of Native American rituals, nature, and spirit animals littered through a spiraling serene sky and I spent an hour detailing each trauma of my thirty-two years and six months on this earth with four other women in their fifties and sixties. We call this theRead more

Rehab Update #1: Rehab is Not Vacation

Today is Day Six in what I’m now affectionately calling “spa-rehab”. Saturday, April 15th. In the sky, Venus stationed direct in conjunction with Chiron. Chiron is the wounded healer. Take from that what you will. What I would say about rehab is that it is surreal. The stunning facility. The hippy-dippy therapeutic approach. The ultra-organic,Read more

Why I can tell my boss I have a drinking problem and am going to rehab.

Short answer: I’m white. Medium answer: I’m white and White Supremacy is real. Also, federal job protections. Long Answer: I’m white, married to a man, middle class appearing, attractive by general societal standards, and able-bodied unless I open my mouth and tell you I’ve got a host of mental health challenges that could be consideredRead more

Is Body Acceptance Still For Me?

I’ve had an eating disorder since I was sixteen years old. If we’re counting, that’s sixteen years. I recovered when I was twenty-two; I finally stopped purging in the third trimester of my first pregnancy. I gained ninety pounds during that pregnancy. And, because I was a sickly skinny methamphetamine addict before I got soberRead more