Struggling at the Intersection Between Mental Health and Addiction

I was diagnosed a depressed bulimic when I was sixteen. I was diagnosed a cocaine addict when I was nineteen. I’ve lived in the intersection between my mental health challenges and my addictive tendencies for thirteen years. It’s been anything but easy. At first, the hardest part was that I so obviously used drugs andRead more

Sobriety: Day Nineteen

I’m starting to hate the word sober. I’m not sure it accurately represents what I’m going for here. I’m not sure it doesn’t imply something inaccurate about where I’ve recently been. I’ve been nowhere especially terrible. I’ve experienced something different than overdue consequences and bone-deep desperation. And yet. Sobriety. The state of being sober. ItRead more

On Drinking and Belonging.

I didn’t drink in high school. I was lucky enough to have friends that didn’t really either. You might think that was a testament to the way my parents raised me, or the Sunday School classes I came up through. Maybe. I think I didn’t drink because the opportunity never presented itself. I never feltRead more

Why I stopped taking my bipolar medication.

Ten weeks ago I went off my psych meds. Why? It was the question everyone asked. My husband, when I told him a week or so later. My team of therapists. My friends and family. The general public once I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore and wrote about it. It wasn’t an easy decisionRead more

In Defense of Creativity (and an Ode to Big Magic)

“A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life. Living in this manner—continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you—is a fine art, in and of itself.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative LivingRead more

To my child, when I’ve pulled away from you.

You’re in fourth grade now. You’re more than half arms and gangly legs. You are remarkably independent and take-your-breath-away self-sufficient. It’s silly that your dad and I would expect anything else, knowing us. You’ve gotten yourself out the door and walked to school alone since you were six. You mother your little sister more thanRead more

The Whole Picture.

Basically the goal of me writing this post it to get you to read this blog post. Please read it. It’s that necessary. It’s stuck with me for weeks now. Dear Laura, Do you ever/did you ever look at friends’ Facebook posts, or hear good news about their lives, and be filled with a combinationRead more

Trauma Tour 2015

(9.17.15) I’m sitting in this weird hotel room in Lynnwood, WA. The suburbs north of Seattle. Where I started the phase of my life that changed everything. Where I fled when the life I knew for nearly twenty years almost killed me. My dad drove me up to the treatment center and associated house forRead more

Falling in love with Love Warrior.

Yesterday I finished Glennon Doyle Melton’s (aka Momastery) “Love Warrior” in twenty-six hours. That is unheard of for me. Because I am a working mom. Because I notice nowadays I can’t really commit my attention beyond a short essay linked from Facebook (and, even then, sometimes that one little click is just too much *scrollRead more

When You’ve Leapt: Silence and Secrets and Psych Meds, oh my!

I’m an inherently honest person. To many people, I’m likely too honest. I’m the one in the room saying the things, coaxing out the elephant, acknowledging reality if someone must do it. I’m the one posting on social media about being admitted into the psych ward or that my house has a gross fly infestation.Read more