Your addiction is showing.

Two years ago I outed myself as obsessed with food and my body, and eventually named it as a relapse into the bulimia that had plagued me in my late teens and early twenties. My addiction to “healthy”/clean/Paleo eating was obvious to anyone who had cared to look for it from my frequent posts ofRead more

Is Body Acceptance Still For Me?

I’ve had an eating disorder since I was sixteen years old. If we’re counting, that’s sixteen years. I recovered when I was twenty-two; I finally stopped purging in the third trimester of my first pregnancy. I gained ninety pounds during that pregnancy. And, because I was a sickly skinny methamphetamine addict before I got soberRead more

Am I supposed to get sober today?

It’s the first day of 2017. You know, that magical moment where we collectively release ourselves into the belief that we can make any handy or hard resolution and it will somehow stick. Magical moment people. Am I missing it if I don’t jump on board? Am I doomed for a month or a year?Read more

Struggling at the Intersection Between Mental Health and Addiction

I was diagnosed a depressed bulimic when I was sixteen. I was diagnosed a cocaine addict when I was nineteen. I’ve lived in the intersection between my mental health challenges and my addictive tendencies for thirteen years. It’s been anything but easy. At first, the hardest part was that I so obviously used drugs andRead more

On Drinking and Belonging.

I didn’t drink in high school. I was lucky enough to have friends that didn’t really either. You might think that was a testament to the way my parents raised me, or the Sunday School classes I came up through. Maybe. I think I didn’t drink because the opportunity never presented itself. I never feltRead more

To my child, when I’ve pulled away from you.

You’re in fourth grade now. You’re more than half arms and gangly legs. You are remarkably independent and take-your-breath-away self-sufficient. It’s silly that your dad and I would expect anything else, knowing us. You’ve gotten yourself out the door and walked to school alone since you were six. You mother your little sister more thanRead more

The Whole Picture.

Basically the goal of me writing this post it to get you to read this blog post. Please read it. It’s that necessary. It’s stuck with me for weeks now. Dear Laura, Do you ever/did you ever look at friends’ Facebook posts, or hear good news about their lives, and be filled with a combinationRead more

Happy and Hard.

Oh that’s quite the title isn’t it? But really, it’s a good description of the past few weeks. Maybe add “crazy” except that’s just a given at this point I think. People tell me how busy I/we are, or how crazy our life is or ask again how many roles I’m currently playing on theRead more

Sobriety: A Long-Term Disability (Part V)

This is the fifth post in a five-part series discussing addiction, recovery [relapse], and long-term sobriety. As I celebrate five substance-free years, I am taking the time to [publicly] look back at where I really was in the months preceding my “clean date”, how I got to where I am now, and the ongoing implicationsRead more