Rehab Update #2: Spirit Animal

Yesterday I sat in a basement room covered in murals of Native American rituals, nature, and spirit animals littered through a spiraling serene sky and I spent an hour detailing each trauma of my thirty-two years and six months on this earth with four other women in their fifties and sixties. We call this theRead more

Rehab Update #1: Rehab is Not Vacation

Today is Day Six in what I’m now affectionately calling “spa-rehab”. Saturday, April 15th. In the sky, Venus stationed direct in conjunction with Chiron. Chiron is the wounded healer. Take from that what you will. What I would say about rehab is that it is surreal. The stunning facility. The hippy-dippy therapeutic approach. The ultra-organic,Read more

Why I can tell my boss I have a drinking problem and am going to rehab.

Short answer: I’m white. Medium answer: I’m white and White Supremacy is real. Also, federal job protections. Long Answer: I’m white, married to a man, middle class appearing, attractive by general societal standards, and able-bodied unless I open my mouth and tell you I’ve got a host of mental health challenges that could be consideredRead more

To the Mom Scrolling Through Facebook on her Yoga Mat.

I should tell you to set down your phone. I should tell you to STOP (in capital letters) and be in the present for a second. But I won’t. You’ve heard that before. Instead: I get it. In fact, I’m there right now. Sitting cross-legged on my yoga mat, writing this on my iPhone. IRead more

Is Body Acceptance Still For Me?

I’ve had an eating disorder since I was sixteen years old. If we’re counting, that’s sixteen years. I recovered when I was twenty-two; I finally stopped purging in the third trimester of my first pregnancy. I gained ninety pounds during that pregnancy. And, because I was a sickly skinny methamphetamine addict before I got soberRead more

Am I supposed to get sober today?

It’s the first day of 2017. You know, that magical moment where we collectively release ourselves into the belief that we can make any handy or hard resolution and it will somehow stick. Magical moment people. Am I missing it if I don’t jump on board? Am I doomed for a month or a year?Read more

Struggling at the Intersection Between Mental Health and Addiction

I was diagnosed a depressed bulimic when I was sixteen. I was diagnosed a cocaine addict when I was nineteen. I’ve lived in the intersection between my mental health challenges and my addictive tendencies for thirteen years. It’s been anything but easy. At first, the hardest part was that I so obviously used drugs andRead more

Sobriety: Day Nineteen

I’m starting to hate the word sober. I’m not sure it accurately represents what I’m going for here. I’m not sure it doesn’t imply something inaccurate about where I’ve recently been. I’ve been nowhere especially terrible. I’ve experienced something different than overdue consequences and bone-deep desperation. And yet. Sobriety. The state of being sober. ItRead more