September

We’re in-between seasons. And it’s the most beautiful mix of the best of the two. The days aren’t too short yet. The afternoons are sunny, warm–even hot! The mornings are crisp and cool. The leaves are so barely changing that a mostly orange tree is cause to stop and stare. And it’s harvest season (we’ve been listening to a lot of “Little House” audiobooks over here).

I’ll admit I have been craving a rain. I good pour and a day to stay inside that going along with it. I can’t help it–I’m as Oregonian as it gets. Alas, this slice in time cannot be beat. Where the inevitable change is here and yet there is a pregnant pause before summer’s final departure…that you either love or hate.

I feel equally in-between, similarly on the cusp.

I feel like I’ve waited for thing to settle down for years now. But, much like the weather, that is not the intent for this life. Growing, changing, pausing, dying, moving, nurturing, living. There is no pause button, only a handy-dandy iPhone through which to snapshot a moment in time and quickly upload to instagram with a cool retro overlay.

In the last year I’ve moved into a place of [more] acceptance that time will do it’s thing. My children grow. The weeks pass. We do what we can and worrying over the rest is not for everyday life.

I think babyhood (especially if you think it will be your last go-round) does weird things to a woman. A Mom. In that respect I’m happy to be moving swiftly out of and beyond that phase. Precious M&M is going on twenty-two months. And with a big (5-year-old and kindergarten attending!) sister as her best friend and primary influence, she’s an older almost two-year-old than my firstborn was. Straddling the line between babyhood and beyond.

And Dot started kindergarten last week. And soccer a few weeks before that. Happy changes and exciting times that change the structure of a family. It’s ups the ante of our go-go-go. It cements that passage of time.

The funniest thing is, I don’t think anyone could argue that I/we have not used our years well. We’ve done so much. There have been ups and downs but really an immense taking in of experiences whilst incubating this precious family of ours.

I feel really good about the last six years.

And I feel really good about the one…six….sixty that are to follow.

So that was a random and grandiose tangent. I blog so rarely these days that I apparently feel the need to cover the expanse of my life, from minutia to manifesto.

It seems we’re always in-flux, but now as much as ever. Just as we get the two working parent thing a tiny bit down, we add a school-attending kiddo. Tony begins a new project where he primarily works from home (mostly, YAY, but also a transition, especially for the little toddler who has no knowledge of Daddy being home yet unavailable). I’ve been endlessly strung on with two separate jobs, waiting them to morph into how they are actually going to look. Add in extracurriculars, conflicting schedules and  seemingly impossible logistics. Oh, and a shit-ton of driving. Woo-hoo, modern family-hood!

I joke. Kinda.

As time marches on I’m seeing some of the struggles of early motherhood (identity stuff, priorities, boundaries) are not a temporary adjustment but a lifelong balance. The ease of which ebbs and flows, but any hope of finesse comes in flexing those muscles and working that struggle. Does that makes sense? Because I basically attempted a workout analogy there. It’s not that it gets easier, but I would practice makes it seem easier. Either that, or you’re two exhausted, overwhelmed, run down and/or distracted to take on any extra worry or stress. The day is done and I can lay in bed? SUCCESS!

I think I’m seeing the upside to this school-age kid gig! 😉

I’ve always loved this time of year. I liked back to school. I love fall weather. I felt at home on the soccer field. As I get older I find myself craving the rain. And shopping obsessively for new boots. It doesn’t hurt September’s case that my birthday is soon to follow. This month is fun, all new clothes and fresh change and hope and impending festivities.

I love (love!) summer but I’m happy to be here.

I loved school but I’m happy to be in the “real” world.

I loved the freedom of the preschool years but I’m happy for Dot to move on to the next.

Tis a season, always a season.

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