Endings and Beginnings (and more change).

Aside from my (likely over-the-top) whole30 coverage, It’s been pretty quiet around here lately. That is not for lack of happenings. Much has been going on behind the scenes and the past week marked a “coming out” of sorts that I’ve been eager to find the time to expand on the blog as well.

Re-cap: Here’s how things have been. For the most part Tony works Mon-Fri in the Pearl. I’ve been squeezing 16hrs of internship and 4hrs of class into Tuesdays and Wednesdays so as to minimize the childcare needed for M&M. The girls spent Tuesdays with my mom. My sister-in-law came to our house to watch M Wednesdays. Dot went to daycare Mon, Wed, and Thurs. Monday and Thursday I stayed home with just M; Friday with both girls. Generally.

change transformation season phase life ending endings new quote song lyric

In January the place that I intern begin talking about hiring me for an upcoming position. I was interested…but hesitant. I’ve been stretched for time all year–there is a lot on my plate. And then, for winter term, I ended up taking 12 credits (five more than I’d taken the previous term). I also worked my ass off to apply to grad school and wouldn’t hear back for a month or more. To top it off I was waiting for another (on-call) job I’d had my eye on for month to be listed.

question questions wonder thought ponder pondering question marks in the air asian girl young thin beautiful futureI spent a couple weeks in-flux, with a plan that evolved by the day and, most of all, just being patient and waiting to see where the cards fell. There was a lot to take into consideration. What are my limits now? How far can they stretch and for how long? What are my career goals, now and in the future? What do I want to the next year or two to look like?

Complicating this equation is Dot starting kindergarten in the fall. The schedule our school has is a ridiculous 7:45-10:45am. That might as well be preschool! I would much prefer full days and three days per week. Well, obviously, that’s the schedule she’s been on since she was two. And it works well for us. Knowing this piece of the puzzle sent me reeling a bit. What were we going to do next year?

I don’t have the answer to that question yet, but as this new position came to fruition the positive aspects for our family began to really come to light. Part time? Likely with benefits? Doing something that challenges and excites me and (I would say) people would usually complete their Master’s to do?

Um, yeah.

Of course there are a lot of players in the game. I have an ongoing internship to take into consideration and had to get permission from the school. Then I had to figure out how in the world I was going to make this work. We had to find formal childcare for M&M. It was(am) both sad and excited to take that step. I definitely have anxiety about placing her in care but I also feel relieved to be taking some of the pressure off of us and our support network, and to be expanding our options for the days things fall through. While the idea of increasing my personal load by a couple days work per week seems impossible, I remind myself the time is there, it was just spent caring for a budding toddler.

Tomorrow morning we will drop our newly walking 15-month-old off for her first day at daycare. (cue tears and/or lip biting + hand wringing)

Last Thursday I realized it was my last [formal, scheduled] day staying home with just the “baby”. Next week I start my new gig, an exciting and terrifying experience in and of itself.

Lots of bittersweet going on.

You may be wondering about the other options mentioned at the beginning of this post. That on-call job? Yep, I applied. And got called in to interview. And am currently in the process of completing the background check. And I want it. If I’m truly working 20hrs per week after graduation I think that would be doable. The question again is, can I survive until then? Can I do this until June?

And then there’s grad school. I didn’t expect to get in. I’m under-qualified and I know it. But I applied because anything might happen if you’re willing to get the ball rolling. When I picked this position and let go of the hope of completing my Master’s in Social Work in 11 months next year I felt…overwhelmingly relieved.

grad hat black yellow tassle diploma degree high school secondary celebrate hats thrown in the sky I realized how taxed I’ve felt juggling schoolwork and an internship and a family this year and how daunting the idea of doing it all again (with only a couple weeks break as school would have started July 5th) seemed. And suddenly I felt able to truly feel the joy and excitement of completing my Bachelor’s. That’s a big deal, an accomplishment NINE YEARS coming. It had gotten lost in the mix.

I spent a couple weeks with a new idea of the next year or two forming in my head. Then I begin to wonder “What if?” about school. Again contemplating my limits.

Last Friday we heard back on our applications. Really, I just want to know. What IS the next year going to look like? But I’d predicted my “outcome” months ago.

Wait listed.

Hahahahaha! Of course! I mean, really, I called it. And really I’m happy with that. This is a truly competitive program and being on a relatively short alternate list is an honor. Especially considering I lack the experience hours they ask for (2000 and at the time of application I had ~1200). So I’ll wait it out for a few more months and see how things fall. I don’t doubt there’s more craziness and chaos ahead, no matter what happens.

But I will give myself the space to express frustration in the unknown. I like to plan my shit, people!

As it stands, we are entering a new season and an especially challenging three months. I will see less of the kiddos than I’d like. As a family, we will be much more disjointed than anyone would desire. But it’s temporary and it’s positive. And this is just a continuation of 2012 being the year of the question mark. Though I’m glad to see some possibilities firming up. And I’m thankful for more opportunities than I know what to do with!

So there’s my not-so-little State of the Blogger address 😉

5 thoughts on “Endings and Beginnings (and more change).

  1. That is a lot! Congrats on the job(s) and on getting on the wait list. I know quite a few advanced standing students in my cohort who were on the wait list, I wouldn’t be surprised if you make it off the list by July based on the qualifications of those students. And if you don’t you have two great jobs to fall back on until you can reapply or reassess your plans for 2013. 🙂

    1. How old is LO? What is the age range in the classroom? Our first dacraye which LO attended until she was a year had all infants in the same room 6wks – 13 months. They did not put all the infants on the same schedule so there was not a lights out quiet time. Around the time LO was really crawling, napping really suffered. She went from napping 3+ hours a day at dacraye to less than an hour total. When we changed dacrayes, the new one has a split infant room (she was in the older half) where they established a definite schedule. Everyone ate and slept at the same times. They didn’t do lights out through.Now that she’s in a toddler room (started at about 15 months), they have lights out quiet time for their nap. When we made the change to the new dacraye, the older infants all were about a year old. They were all transitioned to one nap after lunch that was 2-3 hours long.Also, we found that LO couldn’t nap near certain other kids. Too much interaction between cribs and not enough sleeping. I belive LO ended up in a crib in the corner most of the time with no one around her.Also, does your LO have a comfort item (a lovey and pacifier)? Our LO sleeps much better if she has some object that she can cuddle with. She’s not particular about what it is as long as she has something.I would suggest the following:1) request a crib move.2) request that your LO be put in the crib at specific times (after 2 hours of awake time for example)3) request that even if LO doesn’t fall asleep that they don’t remove from the crib for a certain amount of time. Our LO sometimes babbles herself to sleep.

    2. I’m a SAHM but would never judge you for needing dacarye and if I did need dacarye I would definitely go the home dacarye route. My sister is due at the end of February and will be going back to work after 6 weeks. She paid $100 for a year membership to care.com and found a great lady in her area that is a SAHM with 2 kids (1 in school, 1 at home) that is looking to make some extra $. Obviously they will need to try things out once the baby is actually here but so far, so good.

    3. Sigh. My son was a 30 minute nppaer when he started daycare and has since become a much better nppaer – one long nap a day. Now, lights are on for the morning nap (and he does not nap long) but it’s pitch dark from 1-3 so that’s when he takes his longer nap. It’s not perfect and he has longer awake periods there (and only 2 naps) but he’s napping. If I felt like my daycare did not think naps or sleep were a priority (or if I felt like they didn’t work with me/try to follow my intrusctions), I’d yank him. My daycare hasn’t been perfect but each and every time I raise a concern (mostly relating to naps) they listen, we discuss, and come to an agreement and work on it. Nannies are super expensive in Boston, but if T was literally not taking a nap all day and if our daycare was not even trying, I’d pull him and spend the money on a nanny.Also, given that you’re just about to enter tax season, maybe a nanny woudl be a better fit for your schedule for the time being. And maybe after tax season you could find a daycare center with dedicated nap times?

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