A break or a waste?

Time is such a precious commodity these days. The full robust life I want to lead is brimming with plans, dreams, projects and habits that I can’t possibly fit in. At least not all at once.

Last term I only had one weekly on-campus class. It was Tuesday afternoons from 1-3:30pm. This doesn’t sound like a big chunk of time but it felt like it ate my whole day. I go to school downtown. Without traffic it’s about a twenty minutes drive from my house. With, it’s easily 45min. Add a daycare pick-up and there’s an hour.

And getting out of the house at the moment is no easy task. I needed to make sure I was showered, not wearing pajamas, had eaten lunch or grabbed a snack, fed the baby, pumped, etc.

Maybe it’s because the class was Statistics. Boring, seemingly unnecessary, and I mostly browsed the internet on the iPad.

Going to class seemed like a giant waste of my time.

Not to mention a waste of our money! The gas to and from, the $9 for parking, and the money not being made while our primary breadwinner was baby-sitting?

This term I have no regular on-campus classes, only two weekend seminars and an online class.

But I’m beginning to wonder, was that one afternoon a week such a waste? As unproductive as it felt, it was my break.

I had an hour on so in the car without kids.

I walked downtown unencumbered.

I often got a coffee, freshly brewed (not by me).

I drank it uninterrupted…while it was still hot.

I saw friends. Real life friends. Face to face. And sometimes finished a conversation.

I had more than two hours of relative peace. To think. To surf the internet. To allow myself to feel annoyed that my time was being wasted without the guilt of placing such feelings on my own kids.

I haven’t been to class since March 8th. That’s more than two weeks and I’m starting to feel the weight of being at home 24/7. Even though I’m not home 24/7. Wednesday evenings I also get a brief reprieve. But it’s so I can run out the door at dinner time, facilitate a support group, and rush home around bedtime. It’s not home. But neither is it relaxing.

And may I just add how amazing my husband is to support me in all my side ventures?

I guess it’s good to realize the necessity of some designated me-time, and realize it quickly. When M&M was little just having her was a breeze and break-like enough. Lately she’s felt like more of a handful and I’m definitely feeling the strain of that. Now to do something with that observation…

2 thoughts on “A break or a waste?

  1. LOL! I discovered that after being home with my daughter 24/7 for 18 months, I was desperate to go back to work. By working opposite shifts with my husband I could feel like I had “real” friends, do something for me and yes, eat a meal while it was still hot.

    The paycheck was a good thing, but it wasn’t the only thing.

    Now that I’m a WAHM, I find myself struggling with this sometimes as well. Especially when you consider that my husband telecommutes, which means even though the kids are at school all day (my youngest is five) there’s still never a time when it’s just me in the house. I find myself taking time on weekends to leave the kids with dad, grab my laptop and go to the coffee shop for some P&Q.

    While I feel bad for doing it, knowing it’s time I should be spending with them, a happy, healthy, balanced mommy is better for everyone.

    1. Like I said on Twitter, I thought I learned this lesson with Dot yet here I find myself again. It’s totally a mommy guilt think. I completly agree about a balanced life making a happy mommy and a better mommy. Just gotta figure out how to balance the overall manifesto with the daily chaos šŸ˜‰

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *